Possibly the Weirdest Wedding Text Ever

A few weeks ago, I was asked to give a devotional at a bridal shower for a friend’s daughter, and thought I’d share it here. So, here goes:

I’d like to open with a few verses that are used at so many weddings and bridal showers, they’re practically cliché. They’re from the opening of the first two chapters of Leviticus:

The Lord called to Moses and spoke to him from the tent of meeting. He said, “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When anyone among you brings an offering to the Lord, bring as your offering an animal from either the herd or the flock. If the offering is a burnt offering from the herd, you are to offer a male without defect. … It is a burnt offering, a food offering, an aroma pleasing to the Lord.’” (Lev. 1:1-3a, 9b)

“‘When anyone brings a grain offering to the Lord, their offering is to be of the finest flour. They are to pour olive oil on it, put incense on it and take it to Aaron’s sons the priests. The priest shall take a handful of the flour and oil, together with all the incense, and burn this as a memorial portion on the altar, a food offering, an aroma pleasing to the Lord.’” (Lev. 2:1-2)

Okay, actually, I know this seems like a bizarre choice. But maybe talking about sacrifices at a bridal shower isn’t as strange as it seems. Or as much of a downer.

We’ve all heard people talk about how making a marriage work requires making sacrifices. And usually, those sacrifices are framed in terms of what you have to give up. Like sacrificing your need for control (nearly 30 years in, I’m still working on giving THAT one up … ), your autonomy, your way of loading the dishwasher or hanging the toilet paper roll. (Much to my surprise, I’ve come to realize that “over” really does seem to work better … )

But are those things really sacrifices? I think those things are actually more like cleaning house. And really, a healthy marriage involves a lot of housecleaning. I suspect yours will, too. That kind of deep cleaning is about a husband and wife clearing out the clutter around them and inside each of them, the habits and mindsets and time-consumers that aren’t useful or helpful. It’s about getting those things out of the way so there’s room for the best things to flourish in each of them and in their marriage.

So, then, what do those verses about sacrifices in Leviticus have to do with a flourishing marriage? Three things:

First of all, sacrifices are about bringing your best. When God gave the Israelites instructions about bringing him sacrifices, he called them to bring the best of what they had and put that on the altar. The unblemished animals. The finest flour and oil. The firstfruits of their harvest. In marriage, too, it’s really important to offer your best. Bringing a need for control or for doing something your way and putting that on the altar? That’s kind of like somebody bringing their old, lame sheep or their moldy bread to the altar. When you think about making sacrifices in marriage, think of it in terms of offering the best of what you have to meet the needs of that moment. As you’ve gotten to know each other, you’ve seen things in each other that you admire, value and love in one another. Those are all reasons why you’ve chosen to commit to each other. But even with all those things, you will not complete one another. (Sorry, “Jerry Maguire” fans.) You will complement one another as you each bring your unique skills and strengths and personalities to your marriage. As you offer your best to God and to one another, God will complete what you bring. He’ll multiply your offerings, and fill in the gaps.

Second, think less about the word “sacrifice” and more about the word “offering”. When I’ve thought about the things God instructed the Israelites to bring to the temple, I’ve always tended to use the word “sacrifices”. But when I looked them up in Leviticus, the word I came across most often was “offerings”. I really like the word “offerings”. When you’re offering the best of what you have, you’re not denying or stuffing down your gifts, your values, or who God created you to be. Instead, you’re recognizing the value of all those things and offering them as gifts to serve and honor God first of all, and then your spouse and your marriage. The neat thing is, when you make those kinds of offerings, you don’t end up with less. Those offerings grow and multiply. They bear fruit – including a relationship in which you find yourselves honoring and cherishing each other more and more deeply.

So, what do you have to offer? Take an inventory. We each bring different skills – maybe cooking, balancing the budget, planning and investing for the future, doing home or car repairs, offering hospitality, planning vacations, communication skills. We each bring different personality traits and tendencies – maybe patience, the ability to make a plan and carry it out, the ability to think outside the box, a sense of humor, tenacity, loyalty, assertiveness, compassion, the ability to listen well and see things from a different perspective. Take an inventory of what you bring to the relationship – through self-reflection, sure, but also by asking your spouse and other people who know you best.

There are also some very important things to nurture in yourself regardless of who you are, so that you can offer them along with the rest of your “best”. First, nurture faith in God and his promises. Regularly spend time with God, immersed in his Word and in a community of believers in which you support each other and build each other up. Nurture tenacity in prayer and in holding on to what you know is true about God and what his plans and promises are.

Finally – and this is something a lot of us don’t have going into marriage – nurture a willingness to be vulnerable. A willingness to share your hopes and dreams, your feelings even when it might open you to disappointment. This is also where your less-than-best comes in. Because that’s coming into your marriage, too. Your shortcomings, failures, annoying habits, fears, insecurities. In those areas, bringing your best and putting it on the altar means bringing your willingness to be vulnerable; being willing to trust God and your spouse with what’s a struggle for you or what’s most easily hurt. Maybe you’re already willing to be fairly vulnerable, or maybe that’s really hard for you. Wherever you are on that continuum, it’s a gift worth cultivating bit by bit.

Finally, find the joy in your offerings. A lot of the offerings God instructed the Israelites to make were actually joyful. People brought offerings to thank God, to dedicate themselves to serving God, or to enjoy God’s blessings in God’s company at his “table”. Realistically, the offerings you make in marriage aren’t always easy. And there may be times when your spouse isn’t receptive to what you’re offering in that moment – or vice versa. That happens, even in the best marriages. But when you offer them to God first and foremost, there’s joy and fellowship with him, maybe even celebration. God receives each of these offerings you make in love to your spouse as a sweet-smelling, pleasing offering to God himself. Regardless of how you or your spouse are feeling in the moment, your offerings show your dedication to God and to the promises you’ve made before him, your gratitude to God, and your joy in spending time with him. And as you make these offerings to God they, in turn, will strengthen your and your spouse’s dedication to each other, and increase your joy individually and as a couple.

Weird verses for a bridal shower, I know. But they remind us that there’s so much beauty and joy in offering the best of what you have to God, to your spouse, and to your marriage. May God bless you richly as you offer yourselves to God and to each other.